home

we are home. sniff. it is rather sad but i wrote something on the plane home that helped me. basically outlining the existentialist mind set in very poor prose. i do miss it a lot but i am not going to allow the completely contrived idea of the past to ruin the only real part of time: the present. i miss it every much but i hope to assimilate the experience and allow it to be fully manifest in my present experience. the present is all the matters. You can never be happy unless You are living in it
i think i might keep this blog for next year cuz i really want to go again.

tear tear tear

last post in nicaragua. it is 4:30 and we are leave for the airport in a few min. it is very sad. yesterday was fun. we got to play with the kids and stuff at the park but it was also extremely tiring. probably the most tiring thing ive done all week. we had a water balloon fight which quickly degenerated into just a water fight with cups, bottles, and anything used as weapons. it was pretty fun. i actually got a little sunburned for once. anyway. should get the rest of my stuff. wer gonna ride to the airport in the back of the pickup with all the luggage. twill be fun. gonna really miss this place though. adios

posting on the stairs

so im posting on the stairs cuz im waiting for everyone else to finish packing before we leave to go to the park-like-thing with all the kids from awana. it is pretty awesome. we did it last year. its not much of a park but they have a field with something resembling grass which has soccer goals and baseball diamond. it doesnt really matter cuz these kids are happy with just about anything. it is a pretty sweet time.

yesterday we were all touristy and went to the volcano and market near Masya. volcano was pretty cool but it had all these poisonous fumes that made it really had to breathe. the tour guide said it stunted the growth of all the plants and stuff around the volcano. we couldnt see the lava though because too much smoke was coming out of the crater. = ( we also went into a cave that lava flows had formed. a ton of bats live in it (well not an inordinate amount but quite a few). it was cool. the market was the same one that we went to last year and so i knew what was there and stuff but it was still fun. stephen and i did some bartering and we got everything for less than they originally said (which is almost expected cuz they automatically rip You off as a rich american). i got a bracelet (which i am very happy with), a shirt, and a commie hat (which on second thought probably wasnt the best thing to get but i really liked the hat[oh, cool story how we got it. she wanted c$80 which is about US$4 but i thought that was kinda a lot so me and stephen posed that we only had like c$64 {cuz i had a ton of change so it kinda worked} and she let us have it. haha. we probably both won cuz they always say its a ton when its americans {like this one person was like oh that pin is US$3 which is pretty ridiculous}]). it was fun. we also went to a nice restaurant with all the missionaries. it was ok but i really dont mind the food here (it is better than last year. we get something with our rice and beans for every meal).

i am really sad we are leaving tomorrow. T-T its terrible. i dont want to go home and i REALLY dont want to write my hemingway paper. grrrr. not gonna let all that overshadow today though.

awkwepic

sorry it took so long to post:

ok, so sorry i havent written in a long time but ive been mucho busy. so im on the roof right now with everyone and it's awesome (if You cant tell i love the roof). ima start from here and go backwards. we had an evening service tonight and after we played with some of the little kids. when i play with them i remember why i love coming down here. they are the coolest kids in the world. michael is hysterical. i met him last year and he smiles more than anyone else i know in the world. he is really happy and laughs about EVERYTHING. he is also a spaz-mod. we played soccer (most of the time is was micah and michael against megan, stephen, and i), we played in the sanctuary and it was really sad cuz the little nicaraguan boy was schooling us all. hes good (they are all really good). michael is about 10 (really hard to tell how old they are) and is part of a one of the main families in the church.

before that i built a door and hung it in the comidor. it was pretty cool cuz i got to use power tools (i also go to try welding) that cut medal. and now we are talking about drinking wine. haha. ok. cant think all that much and talk at the same time. not so good at the thinking and the talking at the same times

americans pwnd!!!!

ok. so last night we (micah, meghan, michael, joselyn [the last two arent americans but they are so cool so i doesnt matter] and i) played some kids in street soccer. it was intense. we owned them. it was sooooo sweet. i feel accomplished now that i beat anyone from nicaragua in soccer. it was so hardxcore too. we played in the street (like the boundaries were the buildings on the side of the street) and we had to stop about every min and a half to let cars go by. these kids are crazy. they play until the cars are about 15 ft away. and the ball must of had at least 3 holes in it. it was the flattest thing ive ever seen. it was soo sick though. and we also found out that one of the kids who we were playing is 'loco de amor' with christina. which was kinda sketch... actually really sketch and it got an awkward turkey. so yes. then roof till bed as usual. but after we 'went to bed' micah, stephen, and i made funny movies. ok. very yes

sorry

yes, i have not written in quite a while. i wrote a post on Megans computer last night about yesterday evening but i havent been able to post it yet. so that will be coming.

ok. i left off...let me check. i cant even remember. whatever. ill just write what comes to mind

so i got my hair cut by stephen and i shaved my beardish thing. it was fun but i wish i didnt shave the beard cuz i kinda liked it. but now i just look like i did 6 months ago. slightly shorter hair and no facial hair. anyhow. it was fun.

ive been getting lots of cuts and scratches which is makes me feel like im doing manly stuff. haha.

this is completely not chronological but we went to Manchester (a shanty town/slums on the edge of Managua). we are not going to the dump this year cause its not very safe. they have been talking about moving it across to the other side of Managua and theres been several riots by the people who live there so wer not gonna go this year. but i think Manchester is worse than the dump. the dump is a dump. You expect it to be full of trash and stuff that goes in a dump, but Manchester is just a bad neighborhood and the people live in the most appalling conditions i have ever seem. it is like the things You see in national geographics but its right in front of You accompanied by all the smells and ... reality of being there. You kinda have to go into shock. even though ive been there and distinctly remember a lot of it, it still brutal. its not like omg this is so terrible. it is the opposite. You dont feel anything. i think that is what shock is. it is something that Your body does to cope with extreme situations and allows You to function in harsh environments. the actually definition is probably a lot different. You just see all this poverty and hopelessness. guys just sitting there doing nothing while their children are playing in the filth with only their diapers on. they live in a germiphobes worst nightmare and a safety instructers hell. seriously. i will have to post up some of the pics i have. it is really hard to describe. there is open streams of sewage that run along the main road straight into lake Managua (which is one of the dirties lakes in the world. it is so polluted that it looks like land from the roof) which the kids swim in. we went to the school (it is only like kindergarten to 1st grade or something) and Sue (shes a school nurse back in the states) did a presentation for the kids on cleanliness. we handed out packs with a toothbrush, toothpaste, and soap to them all. hopefully some of the older ones were listening and might do some of it. that would be really good. after that we went around and just took picture, said hi to people, and handed out tracts. we went to see one of the people who goes to the church who lives there. everything i built of rusting corrugated metal cobbled together in the most creative and haphazard ways. we talked to this one old lady who had a bowl of chicken guts that she was preparing in her lap and her kids were all eating some kind of meat for lunch. it was really sad. we were talking to her with the help of Tracy (one of the missionaries). we prayed for her and she was talking about how the doctors didnt know what was wrong with her but the lord would provide for her and we prayed again. she and a few of us started crying and then she asked us for money for her children. at which point i walked away. i had been feeling kinda bad cuz i hadnt been as emotional although i had felt really bad for her. i feel for the whole just as much as for the individuals i guess (dont know if that made any sense). not to be too skeptical, but it is VERY common to ask the rich american gringos for money. there was a woman last year who was asking for money to get a prescription for her son who had a lower body cast. the only problem was the medic who was with us said the boy had been healed for months. although it is terribly sad You cant ever really trust people. i was just really shook up by that. well everything there shook me up. everything. even the things that should be natural and whole are broken and destroyed. there is some of the most decrepit dogs i have ever seen. even the lake smells like a sewage treatment plant (it really does. ive been to one before).

at the same time, there is beauty in the this incredibly broken place. there is a lot of flowers there. the school has improved a lot since we were last there. there is a sense of peace despite the terrible settings. i feel like i could live there and be just as happy as i am here. it is all relative. the condition. it is the people and the attitude that matter. these people have incredible happiness. most people in the US have a hundred times what these people have but they are not half as happy. they live in this place of seeming hopelessness and still have joy. i respect them a lot.

one thing that i have realized is that i am sorta xenophobic. i thought/think that somehow they feel less than i do. or think less or something. i think it is mostly cause of the poverty and partially because of the language difference. but i realized these people are just as fully human as me. it is an obvious thing that i know intellectually but actually assimilating its consciousness is different. and thinking of them in different terms is something that i have started to come to grips with during this trip. they are not poor natives who are struggling to survive. they are people. they have extremely complex emotions and the same exact struggles that i do. just because they dont have as much money or education doesnt mean they are any less human than me. i think this is partially because i have really tried to understand the language more this year i have actually tried to talk to the people in spanish. just more interaction with the people has given me a much deeper respect for them.

i am really hunger cause i didnt have any dinner (i was posting THIS) and i want to see if the bakery is open

we had eggs and meat-like-substances for breakfast

so yesterday was interesting. we actually did a lot. i think i left off with networking. we kinda gave up on that till later cause they have an internet cafe and it would interupt business to mess with the network. so i went over to the school and helped paint the roof (christina did half of it and did an awesome job). then we did some other small stuff and later after dinner we messed with the network. or rather my dad did and everyone else played with the lil kid who who was the son of woman who runs the bakery thing (ok so the comidor [place we eat and the old feeding center], the internet cafe, and the bakery are all in the same building. that might have been unclear before). we did that and went to bed kinda late but it was good. slept on the roof again. and i have to go to work so i will write some more later. (this whole thing seems to require more time that i seem to have)